Surgery Number ONE

The days passed and soon it was time for surgery. Please remember that my memory is far from perfect and I have so many events to mention, but I am not certain of the exact time frames. So if anyone reading this feels that I have some inaccuracies, you are probably right! I think I have a good excuse - I was 12, I was drugged and I wasn't thinking about remembering it all. I just assumed I would. My time frames may be off, but the stories I recall are authentic and factual. That's the best I can do.

I remember the night before surgery, my parents were getting ready to leave and my mother - for the very first time - looked upset. I had no idea why. I was still in traction and would be right up until the morning. So they leaned down and kissed and hugged me good-bye. At that point, my mother looked at me and said, "Are you nervous, Valerie?” I recall thinking, "How odd? Why would she think I'd be nervous?” Ha! Ha! I was truly ignorant - and blessedly so. I said, "No - Am I supposed to be?" and she hesitated and said, "Absolutely NOT! Your father and I will see you in the morning". I said, "OK". And they left. I quickly fell sound asleep with no problems at all.

I was awakened at 5 AM. How do I remember that? Because it was the earliest I had ever been up in the morning. Surgery was slated for 7 AM. My parents did show up at some point during that period. Two nurses, who's name's I don't recall, came in, woke me up and proceeded to remove the traction. Then they asked me to roll over on my stomach and I asked why. They said because they needed to shave my back and disinfect it. I said, "Shave my back?” I honestly remember thinking, "Gosh, when did it get hairy?"!!!!!! Ha! Ha! I still laugh when I think about that! How would I know they do that? They proceeded to tell me that the skin on my back needed to be "bare" and sanitary. Looking back, wasn't it just going to be bacteria laden by the time I got to the OR? Things were sure different back then. Imagine that I was bed-ridden for 6 days, never having been up walking or anything. Talk about blot-clot potential! So, I did as I was told. I let them shave my back, even though I thought it was the strangest thing in the world. Then they proceeded to use Betadine and I remember wondering what the orange stuff was. When it was done and dried, I was allowed to roll back over! I think it may have been around then that my parents showed up? Soon, someone else showed up and took blood and hooked my up to an IV and they left. I remember my father pacing and he jingling the change in his pocket and my mother asked him to stop! It must have been making her nervous and edgy, in retrospect. He always did that with the change in his pockets and it was putting her over the edge! He stopped.

Then another strange person came in and I heard them tell my parents that they were doing something or other with the IV. So they proceeded, as my mother said, "They are going to give you something to relax you, in case you’re nervous" and I said, "Oh. But I'm not nervous" and she replied, "They are going to give it to you anyway". Hmmm......all this talk about being nervous started to make me feel nervous!! Was I supposed to be nervous and if I was supposed to be nervous, why wasn't I? I mean, should I be nervous because I wasn't nervous?? Two orderly’s soon appeared and said they were ready to take me to the OR. My parents kissed me and as they wheeled me away, I thought I saw a tear in my mother’s eyes. Nah, couldn't be? I figured it was just the drugs they gave me. I certainly was feeling woozy.

The OR was freezing cold and I was surprised at that. There were these huge, bright lights and what seemed like a ton of people scurrying around. Everyone was very nice and smiling and calling me by my name. It was as if they all knew me and I was actually okay with it all. Suddenly, Dr. Hardy was there and Dr. Bradbury too. I remember quite vividly, Dr. Hardy saying, "This will be over before you know it, Valerie" and I said, "OK". He told me they were going to put a mask over my mouth and nose and to just close my eyes and go to sleep. I started to feel nervous. So they put the mask on and I thought that was what would knock me out and didn't realize it was what they were putting in the IV! So as soon as they put it on my face, I started sucking in the air quickly so that it would put me to sleep. The funny thing is that all these years later and 6 surgeries later, I still start breathing in deeply as soon as the oxygen mask goes on!! I know, I know - I really do know that isn't what puts you to sleep, but I just feel better doing it. My last surgery, I did it feeling that it would be good to fill my body with good, clean oxygen before it gets knocked out. Probably foolish, but it works for me! But there was still a certain smell that overcame me when they put that mask on, a smell that has repeated itself several times for me. I'm not sure what it is, but with every surgery I have had, as soon as they put the oxygen mask on, I can't help by say to myself, "Here's the smell!". Can anyone relate to that?

I woke up and felt very sleepy. I kept wanting to go back to sleep, but they insisted on waking me up. I vaguely recall the recovery room and being wheeled to my room. I remember being wheeled off the elevator and someone saying my name. It was Nurse Shirley. She was saying, "Valerie, look - your mother and father are waiting right here". They were sitting on those turquoise sofas in the small waiting area. I opened my eyes and turned my head, but I felt dizzy and closed my eyes again. The next thing I remembered was waking and my parent’s right there. I think I slept off and on for what seemed like forever. My parent's obviously left at some point and they had me drugged enough that I slept through the night. But gosh, why do they have to come wake you up every couple of hours with the temperature taking, and the blood pressure monitoring and WHY do they insist on talking to you?? Ugh. I still hate that. I mean, how can you recover if they keep waking you up? Right?

I remember waking up in the morning hearing Dr. Hardy coming down the hall. In he came, larger than life. "Good morning, sweetness!” He asked me how I felt. How I felt? I felt like...........I had never felt before. Sort of like run over by a Mack truck, that's how I felt! The pain actually wasn't too horrible, that I recall, but I still felt - beaten. And simply exhausted. I don't recall much else over the next few days. They had taken my cast and sawed it in half and applied a velcro-type tape on it so it encased me like a turtle. I had 2 shells that stayed together with the velcro and within a few days, I was rotated on my stomach repeatedly. It hurt, but I don't recall it being horrific. I listen to stories from some of my new found scoliosis friends, and so many of them have horrible memories of pain. I really don't. If I hurt, I told them and they would give me something - because I would then feel better in no time. I really don't have any negative memory of that first surgery. And that's a good thing. Dr. Hardy was right; it was all over before I knew it.