I couldn't sleep. What do I do? Do I call and face an ugly truth? Or do I ignore all of my symptoms and hope they go away? What do I do? What do I do? For all of you that know me well, this is what I do best. I waste time THINKING. And THINKING. And THINKING. I spend hours, days, weeks, months, even years THINKING. It's all I ever do. It's probably yet another syndrome!! Great - who's luckier than me?
I finally fell asleep. I woke up the next morning and said, "I'm calling first thing this morning". I had coffee and decided I'd call after breakfast. After breakfast, I decided that I really needed to start the laundry. After that, I thought "I should really take a shower". I went upstairs to shower. In the middle of the shower, I thought, "If I don't call this second, I never will". I jumped out, wrapped a robe around me and went downstairs. I took out the telephone number that his wife gave me the night before and held it for a few minutes. Thinking. I stared at it for a while then cautiously picked up the phone. I dialed the number and before I could hang up, someone answered....."Good morning, Dr. Glazer's office". Yikes!! Do I hang up now?? She repeated, "Good morning, Dr. Glazer's office. Can I help you?" I nervously said, "Yes, I'd like to make an appointment" and she said, "Have you seen Dr. Glazer before?" and I said, "No. But I met him last night" and she said, "Oh how nice. Were you at the CT Scoliosis Chapter meeting?" and I said, "Yes, yes I was" and she said, "He was just telling me what a lovely time it was and how he enjoyed it immensely. Did you get to meet his wife?" and I said, "Yes, actually I sat right next to her. That is how I got the number" and she said, "Great" and proceeded to take my information. When I mentioned "Flatback", she knew exactly what I was talking about!! I felt relief. Before I knew it, I had an appointment for 3 weeks later. Oh boy. Now what had I gotten myself into!!!
Why is it that time passes so quickly when you wish it wouldn't?? Suddenly 3 weeks had passed and I was on my way to Boston. I arrived at Boston's famous Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center and was bewildered by it all. Upon entering his office space, which sit's within the orthopedic wing, the receptionist was lovely. I was whisked to X-ray (of course! I should light in the dark at this point!) for by first set of 3-foot standing x-rays (remember them?) in quite some time!! I was then ushered to an exam room when suddenly a Fellow (a medical Fellow that is!), introduced himself and asked some questions. I didn't like him, he was abrupt. I thought, "Oh Lordy, maybe this isn't going to go so well after all!” Suddenly, Dr. Glazer appeared. He said, "It's good to see you again!" and I looked at him funny. I said, "This is my first appointment with you, but I did see you about 3 weeks ago at the CT Scoliosis Chapter meeting at Lawrence & Memorial Hospital" and he said, "I know! That's why I said it's good to see you again". Duh! I'm such a jerk sometimes!! He said, "Sweetie, you've got Flatback" and I said, "You've looked at my x-rays, huh?" and he said, "Nope, not yet, but I knew you had Flatback the second you entered the room that night. You have the stance and you have the walk". Oh. Great. Couldn't he just tell me that I DIDN'T have it???? Ugh.
So he looked at my x-rays and then did some simple tests on me, including watching me stand and watching me walk. He sat down. This is what Dr. Glazer does. He sits down, speaks slowly and for a brief time, acts like he has no place else to be and he is all ears and all for you. Love the guy. I've always been a sucker for a man that knows how to listen! Really listen! I suppose it is a rather important part of his job. Actually it's probably not. Surgeons are notoriously cocky. Rightly so, I suppose. I would say that Dr. Glazer is, but in a humble kind of way - if that even makes sense. He proceeded to "formally" diagnose me and said, "You've got neck problems and I would suggest you let me fix that first". I said, "Why?" and he replied that his personal philosophy is "Why go through coping with revision surgery, which is not to be taken lightly, only to have to fix it later?? Plus I like to everything in working order so that revision is the last surgery and at that point you can just concentrate on recovery". I half listened to all of the details. I was lost at, "We enter through the front of the neck". Huh? Now I have to have a scar in the front of my neck too?? Are you kidding me??? I was done. I liked the guy, but I was all set. I was not having any neck surgery and NO ONE was slitting my throat and leaving me with yet another scar. Thanks but no thanks. K - bye. However, as he started to leave the room he said, "Well you have a lot to think about. Let me know what you want to do. Your Flatback WILL need to be addressed at some point, either by me or another surgeon. Just make sure he is experienced and you are ready, it's a helluva surgery and recovery". I said, "How will I KNOW when I am ready? What does that mean? Can't you tell me when I can't wait any longer"? He just smiled at me and quietly, in Dr. Glazer's way, said, "No dear, I can't. This surgery is different than most - it's grueling and it's the owner's responsibility. You'll know when you’re ready, trust me, you will just know" and he was gone. Poof! What the hell kind of answer is that, I ask you??? He can't leave this up to me?? I wasn't sure if I loved him or hated him at that moment. I knew one thing for sure - he was right. I had a lot to think about.
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